Stay Safe!
Why we need to let our kids take more risks.
I've been doing a lot of work recently around risk assessments and safety plans. My colleagues and I have been thinking about how we manage risk in what is an inevitably risky field of work. We refer to the legislation a lot here and in NSW, we go by the paramountcy principle - that the safety, welfare and wellbeing of the children we care for is the paramount consideration in the decisions that we make about, for and with them.
In a recent training session that I was running around this topic, as is always the way, I learned a thing or two from those I was attempting to teach. A question was thrown my way that made me re-think everything about our approach to safety. "How do we (our organisation) actually define safety? What is an acceptable level of risk in this context?"
Well, I'll be! For so long, I have used the default line of, keeping them safe is the most important thing.
But what do we actually mean by keeping kids safe? How does my definition of safety align with that of my organisation? And how is it different to my colleagues working in the different programs with young people in OOHC across the different regions of NSW?
How does a young person's previous experiences shift our notion of what is safe and unsafe for them? And how do we shift our view on safety as the young person grows older? How does it change as they move towards exiting the care system and living independently?
I've also been thinking about this notion of safety in the context of parenting my own children. The crossovers between my work and personal life constantly shock me but are also completely unsurprising given the field of work I am in and my core values. But I digress!
For a little more context, I have the honour and massive responsibility of raising two young boys. As I am sure is the case for most people, I went into this parenting gig with little more than a vague idea about what it would take to keep them alive day in and day out, let alone how to raise them to be decent human beings that know how to survive and thrive in a world that is so vastly different from the world that I grew up in. A world that seems hell bent on constantly changing at the speed of light. Did someone say digital native?
The issue of safety comes plummeting towards us from the moment of conception to be honest. We start by being told not to tell anyone about our pregnancy until after the 12-week mark, "when its safe". Then, while we're keeping this massive secret to ourselves and trying to keep the morning sickness at bay, we're told not to eat a whole host of foods because they are too risky, certain medications that were once benign now need clearance from the doctor or midwife to make sure they're safe for the baby. I was even told that I should only lay on one side when sleeping while pregnant (I can't remember which side now!) because laying on the other side was not safe for the baby.
Then there's the risks in childbirth which I won't go into now. I could write a thesis on this topic, but I'll save that for another time!
Once the baby is born, there's all the safe sleeping information, travelling safely in the car, how to introduce solids - baby led weaning or purees, allergy risks! - all while we're meant to be monitoring their developmental milestones, their gross and fine motor skills, their language development and age-appropriate social skills.
Then as they get older, its time to think about what they're doing online: who are they talking to, are they getting bullied, are they being the bully?!
What I have learned along the way both from my parenting journey and work experience is that kids need to take risks in order to learn.
The thing is most adults have come to be really uncomfortable with risk because we've all been in situations where bad things have happened when risks were taken. And for all the parents I know, and I mean even those whose kids are in OOHC, none want to watch bad things happen to their kids. We love our kids, regardless of our own life experiences and parenting capabilities.
I bet most of you reading this will have had at least one experience where you've seen the pride on a child's face when they have achieved something they never thought they could have. When they tried something that they were scared to do, because they didn't know how to yet.
Like learning how to ride a bike. You watch them wobble and fall over. They graze their knee and have a cry because they're hurt. And maybe a little embarrassed. When a trusted adult can comfort them when they're hurt and give them an encouraging smile to try again, they give it another go. Eventually, they find their balance and their strength, and they take off like the wind!
The smile on their face that says "I'm doing it!" is just priceless. And we know that if they didn't take the risk in the first place to take off the training wheels, and just have a go, they wouldn't achieve that skill or that feeling. It comes with risks, falling off, grazing the knees, feeling embarrassed. Does that mean they should just not do it? Or is it that we need to be their soft landing (both literally and figuratively) to sit through the discomfort that comes with trying and failing to get to that feeling of achievement?
If we don't allow the child to take risks, with the intention of keeping them safe, protecting them from harm, imagine the experiences they could be missing out on. We are keeping them from experiencing that pride and sense of achievement that comes from learning from your own mistakes.
Of course, there are unacceptable risks that we are faced with daily in the child protection field and as adults we all have a responsibility to protect our most vulnerable members of society from the really bad stuff that can happen to them.
But I wonder how much our kids in OOHC can actually achieve if we thought a bit differently about our relationship with risk.
I have a feeling they'd surprise us.
